Forgive and Forget is a saying we’re all a bit too familiar with.
There seems to be this notion that in order to move on from something traumatic, you need to forgive those who have wronged you, and if you don’t then you’ll never be at peace or be able to move on.
Of course there are situations in life where you should forgive. Forgiveness is a part of what makes us human, and at some point, whether it’s intentional or not, we will hurt someone and need forgiveness ourselves. But forgiveness isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ type of situation.
Holding onto grudges can weigh you down and zap your energy, that’s very true, but when it comes to trauma, it’s so much more than having ‘a grudge’. When you’ve been humiliated, victimised, used, violated, hurt, manipulated and had your energy, your health and your time drained from you for someone else’s gain – it’s ok not to forgive them. At all. Ever.
Let me make that clear.
It’s ok to NEVER FORGIVE your abuser for what they did to you. You don’t owe them shit and it won’t take away from your own peace. But not forgiving them doesn’t mean you have to stay angry forever or keep churning over the past. You can still heal and recover and work through it without forgiving and forgetting. The trick is to not let them take any more of your energy, and that’s a hard process whether you forgive them or not.
At the end of the day you deserve peace and happiness, not them.
Forgiveness is a part of life and there are many times we do forgive and we should forgive – but that’s completely up to you.
I will never forgive my abuser for what they did to me or what they took from me. They don’t deserve my forgiveness, my respect or my energy. I won’t let the pain they caused consume me anymore.
I didn’t need to make peace with it to move on, I just needed to realise that I deserve to move on.